(Belated) Tuesdays With Harry – It Takes A Village
Not Every Village Is Qualified To Raise A Child
January 2, 2005 – Winnipeg Sun
by Harry Lehotsky CM, 1957-2006
Have you ever heard the old African proverb which states, “It takes a village to raise a child?”
The proverb gained North American notoriety several years ago with the publication of Hillary Clinton’s book, It Takes A Village.
The book emphasized the impact of communities on growing children. No man — or child — is an island. No family raises children in a vacuum. Children are influenced by their surroundings, peers, extended family, media, and a plethora of other influences.
Clinton’s popularization of the African proverb fostered a romantic notion of solidarity and community development of the family.
When I first heard the proverb, I cynically commented, “That may be true somewhere else, but we’re a long way from Africa!” I reflected on the large number of messed up children in our society.
Taking responsibility
I wondered if the misappropriation of a cultural maxim would become simply another way for errant kids to avoid taking responsibility for their own behaviour. Now they could pin their exploits on the influence of the village. And it wasn’t long before I heard Hillary’s phrase parroted by courtroom defence attorneys.
Recently, I’ve met a growing number of refugees and immigrants from other countries. And I ponder the old proverb as I listen to their stories.
Many individuals and families have come from distant villages to our North American cities. Many have left circumstances of extreme violence, poverty and political turmoil.
They come with dreams of advanced education, heightened civility, elevated culture, and hopes for accessing the success advertised so well by our society.
But as they pursue participation in our success they also discover that they are sucked into our dysfunction. There’s a flip side to the freedoms celebrated by our culture.
As I listen to their stories, some of their observations about our culture are painfully blunt.
“I’m not quite sure what we expected when we came here, but it’s harder to succeed than I first thought.”
“We thought we were leaving a land of danger for a land of opportunity. But even here, in the midst of great potential, there are new dangers for us and our children.”
I feel their frustration and fear as they share some of the ways their experience is devalued and their best values are systematically dismantled.
They are surprised to discover that our schools allow promotion through grades without passing grades.
They are shocked to hear that schools struggling to convey basic literacy and computation skills feel qualified to educate children in applying condoms and accessing abortions “necessitated” by irresponsible intercourse.
Some parents have expressed extreme dismay that schools teach their kids that gay is OK and that all authority — including that of parents — must be questioned.
Media bombards them with the commercialization of violence and promiscuity. Our free media provides daily lessons in the art of claiming rights without accepting responsibility.
They meet people who, despite their physical fitness, receive “social assistance” cheques without working. And they hear their own jobs mocked and rejected as “McJobs” by those who claim they inherently deserve more than what is offered to their neighbours.
Legally, they observe laws without consequences and courts without clout. They learn that government health agencies distribute free crack pipes and needles for illegal narcotics.
They notice that our provincial government runs casinos to squeeze more money from gambling addicts.
Our city licenses brothels in the guise of “massage parlours.” Our federal government imports strippers and routinely promotes bureaucratic graft which is obscene in its excess.
Our Supreme Court outlaws spanking, neuters youth justice, redefines pedophilia to allow sex with children, and forces conditional sentencing for offenders. Unelected officials obsess over definitions and words while ignoring the pleas of citizens for practical help on pressing issues of daily concern.
Ralph Abernathy, black civil rights leader, commented: “I’m sick and tired of black and white people of good intent giving aspirin to a society that is dying of a cancerous disease.”
Rules and schools and social workers ensure that newcomers are bureaucratized to play our cultural game and desensitized to its consequences.
Our moral incontinence masquerades as an enlightened appreciation for diversity. Newcomers are consumed by our multiplicity of standards and our duplicity of values. Dissidents are mocked as regressive, repressive and narrow-minded.
What a country!
The romantic notion, the sociological idealism of our “village” raising children is betrayed by the hard cold facts. Our North American village is in chaos.
The closest we get to a village raising children is when Child and Family Services takes custody of children in hotel rooms. And that’s little more than the child-care equivalent of hallway medicine.
We rightly bemoan the loss of culture and trampling of the identity of our First Nations people.
But we don’t consider how we continually trample the cultural identity and morality of so many other nations to accommodate prideful notions of superiority and enlightenment.
Delivering the truth
Perhaps Hans Christian Anderson was right. Sometimes it takes a newcomer to help us see that our proud emperor’s wonderful wardrobe has been spun with threads of delusion and denial. As in his fairy tale, a persistent delivery of truth is the best antidote for false pride.
Yet the newcomers are gracious. In the midst of their fears and frustrations, they are not ungrateful for the opportunity to build a new life.
They share their observations not with arrogance, but with the concern of friends who have something to contribute to our healing.
If it’s true that it takes a village to raise a child, then somebody better help us raise a better village — before our village raises too many more mixed up, messed up kids.
Perhaps we can learn a few lessons from the lands in which the old proverb actually had some meaning.
As a teacher, I have always found it interesting the amount of legal “stuff” – training, university courses, degrees, criminal records checks, child abuse registry, PD development on child centered learning, theory on learning music and language acquisition – that I have gone through by choice – or by requirement – in order to teach in the schools.
To be a parent, I only had to be able to have sex. I then became a Dad.
Chris,
So true. What I would give to be a Dad… Lord willing, but after two years, I am beginning to wonder.
Peace,
Jamie
I’ve been learning, lately, that it’s important to hear the stories that the people who live on the other side of the fence tell. Whatever side of the fence you might happen to live. I learnt that gradually. Most recently through watching Trading Spouses. (It is true, wisdom turns up in the most unlikely places.)
I grew up when it really took a village, even though I grew up in an urban centre. What it meant for me was that I didn’t dare do something wrong just because neither my father or my mother were around. There’d be a grown up right around the corner to put me back in line there and then. I appreciated that sometimes, I didn’t appreciate it at other times.
And there are also aspects of the American education system I admire. Especially your higher education. If I go into it here, this threatens to become a blog post in its own right. The thing is, I’m glad you’re listening to the ‘outsider.’ It always helps to.
R,
Thanks. Harry was a great example of someone who listened to the marginalized voices. I hope to follow his example.
Peace,
Jamie