Homosexuality & A Change Of Direction
When I posted the personal “Homosexuality: A Personal Reflection” on Monday, I could not have anticipated the wave of support, encouragement and honesty that would follow in the comments and emails. Thank you all so much for making this such a positive step for me to make. I know it has been difficult for some, especially those who know and love me and don’t want me to suffer anything for it. I want to honour them for standing behind me in spite of these concerns.
Without taking away from the wonderful responses I received, in a post where I share something so very personal, the majority of the responses were thanking me and encouraging me for my honesty and vulnerability. As a result (and understandably), the comments did not get to involved in engaging the finer details of the issue. So, while I don’t want this to become the over riding theme of my blog, I thought it might be helpful to flesh this out a bit.
I want to start by saying that sexual orientation is an incredibly complex area that cannot be easily narrowed to formulaic understandings. Therefore, while my experience might mirror or parallel that others, as there are underlying similarities for people who experience this reality, every individual comes to it differently. Therefore, while I can help to give general understanding, I cannot and will not speak for everyone who live with same-sex attraction. That being said, many of you commented or emailed sharing that one of the biggest challenges you face is simply an inability to understand. In fairness, how could someone understand something so foreign to them. So I hope I can give you glimpse into this sphere.
Even saying that people “come to it” reveals my belief that, at least for some, it is a reality people arrive at as a result of something. I am not going to go so far as to say this is true of all cases, as that would be arrogant and presumptious of me. However, I do believe that, for many people, it is a resulting reality due to some spiritual/emotional/etc dynamic, albeit very diffent dynamics for different people. But I am getting off track.
One of the areas I wanted to address was brought up by my friend Stuart in the comment section. He shared his frustration with the hostility he has experienced from the homosexuality community as he has attempted to reach out to them. This is a common experience for many Christians and something that really needs to be addressed.
We must first start by trying to understand the perspective of the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered (GLBT) community in respect to the church. For far too long we have treated them with utter contempt, ignorance and even hatred for centuries, all the while justifying our stance in the name if Jesus. They can no more dissociate from that history than we can from the responsibility we have in making things right. To dismiss that as the mistake of others is to ignore the systemic connection between our current religious cultures, freedoms and presuppositions and those who have gone before us in the church.
When we recognize this, it is not hard to understand why we are so often met with such anamosity. while this does not excuse their mistakes or excesses, we add insult to injury by using their emotional response as justification for further mistreatment or abandonment of missional outreach. These are, in part, the fruit of the seeds we have planted as the church, and therefore realities in reaching out to the GLBT community that we will have to learn to work through.
What will it take to genuinely connect with these people? For one, we will have to learn that starting on the premise of the moral and Biblical indictment of homosexuality (which is often our default position, for fear we might compromise) is a useless and ignorant foundation. I am not suggesting that we turn a blind eye to sin, but rather that we recogize the dual mutuality we share with them- first and foremost, that we are all made in the image of God, which comes with the respect that is thus due; second, that we are all sinners, in need of Christ’s grace.
This will likely mean that we will need to intentionally create space for relationship that begins, at least at first, with a commitment to understand, which includes a commitment not to attempt to use it for conversion, debate, etc. Will we stand the risk of give the wrong impression about where we stand on the issue? I doubt it, but even if we do, who cares? Jesus didn’t seem to concern Himself with the gossip-mongering moralizers who questioned the company He kept, so why should we? That said, we will have to be willing to face the judgment of our fellow Christians as an inevitability.
What suggestions do you have on how we can move forward? Tangibly, what must the church do to owns our part, not only in our failure towards the GLBT community, but in our responsibility to move towards reconciliation, relationship and love?
I hope to do another post in the near future about the issue of my response to the Scriptures surrounding homosexuality.
In a recent post on my blog (that was a response to McArthur) I worked with the subject of homosexuality as an example of how an emerging church response to an issue is, not less, but more “true” or biblical. I have been thinking about this a lot – I have some of the leading homosexual voices in Sweden commenting ob my blog, and they find my views helpful. The post sums upp my thoughts well: http://www.trotank.se/blog/index.php?/archives/519-Answer-to-McArthurs-attack-on-the-EC.html
I didn’t mean that to sound self glorifying. English is not my first language, and its not always easy to communicate what I want to say, sorry. We have a great conversation going – thats what I wanted to say.
Pastor Astor,
No worries. I really appreciate the link and hope my readers will head over and weigh in. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Peace,
Jamie
Thanks Jamie – i have had several posts musing on sexuality and christian ethics and i think you make a very valuable point about love – often the christian treatment of gay people has been shocking and could say the persecution of gays under nazi germany have been made so much easier by the sheer strength of anti-gay feeling.
My lastest thoughts are here and particularly ask Qs around how we love gay people and to what extent we allow gay people to start leading, which might be seen as a higher form of acceptance than mere toleration… http://paulmayers.blogs.com/my_weblog/2007/01/i_still_am_musi.html
Paul,
Thanks for the comment and the link. I’m heading over now.
Peace,
Jamie
Hi Jamie,
Last year, I got in the thick of it with the LGBT community here at Oberlin. I was trying to put together a response to Beth Stroud’s coming to campus in November of that academic year.
I was trying to bring an ex-gay Christian from the New England area who has an amazing testimony. I actually took pains to get permission from the LGBT community. They gave it to me because I had already built up all kinds of trust and friendship with most of the people in that community.
We brought him to campus to connect with our IV group in order to see if the IV students could really get behind him coming to campus. There seemed to be some excitement, so we decided to proceed. This all happened in December.
There are no classes in January here, because Oberlin has a winter term during that month. But in that month, I caught wind that the director of multicultural student affairs (himself a gay man, and a guy I honestly like and trust) told me that he was having difficulties with the website of the speaker we wanted to bring in. He was actually supportive of me bringing him in, but he was upset with my choice of this particular guy because he was involved in ex-gay ministry and did not believe that homosexuality was an identity (there were some other concerns too, but I do not have enough time or space to discuss them now).
There were some other people who began to express some concerns, so we had a meeting to deal with those concerns out in the open. The eventual result was that the IV student leaders decided to dis-invite him. I reluctantly supported their decision, and took a lot of heat from a co-worker who was a friend of the speaker and help me contact him.
The funny thing was that he was coming to town anyway for another speaking engagement that was set up. So I was able to get the director of mulicultural student affairs to agree to sit down with him. I also pulled together an even larger group of LGBT students of faith and their allies (there were much more allies than LGBT students there).
These two meetings were very difficult, but went very well. My friend the speaker was scorched by my director friend, but it was still good because the meeting forced him to make drastic changes to his website.
In the larger meeting, he was able to tell his story, which was very well received, and I was able to use my identity as a Black man as a bridge to understanding the stuggles and concerns of the gay community. This proved to be very effective. I was also able to communicate my frustration with people telling me and my community at the last possible moment to dis-invite the speaker, this also went over well.
All in all if I had to do it over again, I would, because I learned so much from it.
Having said all of this, I really appreciate all of your words and wisdom on this difficult topic Jamie. I will be hanging around to see where this conversation goes.
Marc,
What an excellent example. Thank you for sharing. I think this demonstrates a clear model of shifting away from our primary engagement of homosexuality from the context of its being wrong to a focus primarily (though obviously not exclusively) on relating to people for the purpose of relationship and reconciliation, allowing the former to naturally follow. Thanks again!
Peace,
Jamie
Hi Jamie,
Thanks for doing this. Your insightful approach on how to love the GLBT really confirms in my heart the direction to go.
Unfortunately this has already caused churched others to ask upfront whether we think it’s right or wrong.
We seem to place the answer above the people and I grieve because of it.
Thanks for the warning that we will catch slack for taking the approach you have suggested. It makes me feel better that this is not an abberation.
Another contributor to http://www.swingingfromthevine.com said some good stuff inspired by your first post on this subject.
Blessings Jamie
Adrian,
When people demand such answers, I can’t help but think of the way Jesus refused to answer, not on the merits of the questions, but on the intention of the questioner. I think this something, as Christians, we need to consider when engaging these issue. Thanks!
Peace,
Jamie
Jamie, thanks for this post. I actually wonder if we need to stop approaching people in the GBLT as a group and actually just go back to the basics. Jesus showed us that we need to love people, that this is often done through practical acts, a listening ear, spending time with people even if others think you are hanging out with “sinners” and befriending them. It means opening our houses, it means sharing a meal, it means discussing life together. And it means introducing them to Jesus because we think He’s someone worth knowing. What do you think?
Duncan,
I think there is an element of truth there, in that we need to approach people as individuals, real people with unique stories rather than a generalized category. That is crucial.
That said, we also must recognize that the GBLT community is just that- a community. There is a dynamic there that must be recognized as a collective identity (on some levels). In fact, the GBLT community is sometimes a better expression of true community than the church.
Peace,
Jamie
Jamie,
I’ll agree with Duncan that an individual response is best, but perhaps strides can be taken in mending bridges by starting with an apology?
Personally, whenever I get involved in a conversation with a gay person about their sexuality and God and all the rest, I ususally apologize for my ignorance, and for how I’ve contributed to the Christian mishandling of the issue. I think it is imperitive we be very honest about our shortcomings, and give them the freedom to forgive us (or not) before moving into deeper waters. Thoughts?
Grey Owl
Grey Owl,
Again, I think the individual response is primary, but we can fail to address systemic injustices by being too focused on individuals. For example, as we seek to relate better to people of First Nations cultures, we cannot ignore the systematic abuses at the hands of the church and the state. Neither can we deny that they identify as a community in a far more united way than most Western Christians experience. Now, the GLBT community is not in the exactly the same context, but there are parallels.
Peace,
Jamie
This is such a difficult issue for everyone. There is a lot of fear. But the bible says time and time again “do not fear,” “perfect love casts out fear,” “God is love,” “Love the Lord God with all your heart, soul, and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.” Thematically the bible is much about love and rejecting fear, but something inside often lets our fears rule.
I believe many Christians today don’t understand, which breeds fear. Many don’t want to be identified with a sinner (a fear for their reputation), like the religious jews of Jesus’ day. Many may even, at a deep down level, fear they may struggle, not necessarily with homosexuality, but with sexual sins of a variety of sorts if they try to reach out to someone whom they see as deviant sexually. And, as you have demonstrated, many in the GLBT community fear Christians because of first-hand experiences with hatred.
This is an excellent post and a great starter of the conversation. I agree that we must repent of our pride and bigotry and we must continue to ask God to help us through our own weaknesses so that we might be effective tools in His hands to minister to the lost. Thank you for your courage.
Bryan,
Fear is such an overwhelming deterrent. Thanks for weighing in with your insights.
Peace,
Jamie