Confessions of Missional Mediocrity
Growing up, I attended the same Christian school for 12 years, located about 40kms from where I lived. As my father was a teacher there, I drove to and from school each day with him, usually accompanied by a fellow teacher carpooling with us. During highschool, on our drive home, I would often use my Dad & the other teacher as sounding boards for the ideas and frustrations of my maturing faith. As is common with young Christians, my vision and passion were deeply idealistic, fueled by urgency. However, as a voracious reader, my questions shifted from “Why aren’t we preaching the Gospel from street corners?” to the more uncommon, such as “If we truly believed in Jesus teaching, would we really participate in some of our culture like we do? Consumerism? Individualism?”.
To their credit, unlike many adults in the Evangelical church in which I grew up, they listened patiently and open to these “emerging” ideas, regardless of how foreign they were in my rural, conservative Christian community. However, neither did they enthusiastically jump on board. Too my often deep frustration, they would smile, and say, “Well, you go for it. Once you are doing it, you come back and talk to us.” In others, “practice what you preach” or “put your praxis where your mouth is”. They were not being dismissive (at least not entirely), but requiring me to move beyond the easy idealism and rhetoric to action.
Nearly 15 years later, those conversations still ring as clearly in my mind and heart as they did the day I first heard them. Their challenge, goading me to prove my passion, has deeply shaped the choices I have made in my life in pursuit of these ideals. For those who have read my story (Parts 1, 2 and 3), you will know that directly out of high school, I joined Youth With A Mission (YWAM), where I have been serving (with no end in sight) for nearly 12 years now. Even within this largely Evangelical missions organization (with a fair shaping from the charismatic and holiness traditions), my ideas were often foreign and unusual. Thanks to the freedom inherent in our values and the support of some very “emergent” leaders, I have had the chance to truly put my ideas to the test.
This is not to say that no good has come out of it all. Far from it. We have seen 100′s of young Christians transformed in their worldview through powerful and personal encounters with people who, prior to our involvement, were seen as nothing more than as criminals, statistics or one dimensional Hollywood characters. We have helped mobilize further hundreds in service to the poor, both within our community and in some of the ravaged regions around the globe. I know that I have helped contribute to some amazing successes, but weighed in the balance, has it been enough?
So I ask myself, is it worth it? Is it worth living on the constantly shrinking missionary support? Should I bother desperately praying and pleading that God would send a few more workers to this all but forgotten and rejected community? Have I really lived the sacraficial life required to make the impact believe is only possible through total abandonment to God? Please do not read this as a plea for affirmation. I know so many of you believe in us and what we are doing, many of of you supporting us with much needed finances and even more needed prayer. We are eternally grateful and humbled by all that people have sacraficed in their belief in us and our calling.
Rather, I write these words to give voice to a frustration that many of us feel, whether pastors, “missionaries”, small group leaders or Christians simply truly to serve God authentically and effectively. While the emerging/emergent church conversation has (and remains) an important part of positive change and growth, many are feeling the old pangs of frustration and urgency rekindle within our hearts and communities. The change we were sure would blossom out of this new “movement” has not come to the level of fruition many of us would have hoped.
Do we, then, abandoning the movement and seek more fertile soil? Do we give in to the inevitable need of becoming post-emergent? I don’t think so. First, we have not given this fledgingly movement the time to grow, develop and mature. In the 2000 years of Church history, some of the most significant and fast paced change has come in recent centuries (even decades), thus (perhaps) raising our expectations to the level of instant gratification. We need to extend grace and patience. We need to practice the long lost art of confession, requiring of ourselves the authenticity to share our failures- and not just moral failings- supporting each other in communities where brokenness is assumed and is redeemed through the transformational, wholistic Good News of God.
More than this, however, is the need for us to allow our passion and urgency to drive us to darind and “foolish” acts of service to God- what Gandhi has called “experiments in truth”. We need to band together to step beyond the safety of theological conversation into the risky practice of active Christlikeness in a world that has waited too long already. This does not exclude theological reflection and exploration, but rather let it be fueled by the necessity raised through our daring acts of missional service, justice and love. There are too many of us that we should feel alone in this journey.
So the question remains: Where do we go from here?
