My Life – Part 2
During my last few years of high school, my mind was busting at the seams to explore new ideas and ask real questions. I am eternally grateful for my family during this time. Few parents in rural evangelical churches would be happy that their child was devouring the entire collection of M. Scott Peck. However, they cautiously encouraged. My father would patiently listen to me share the new ideas I’d “discovered”, then remind me not to accept every idea I read. Once the reading started, nothing could stop me. Literally, within 2 months my bedroom had become a library bulging with books.
Inevitably, my growing worldview was colliding with the (somewhat arrogant) Evangelicalism that I had been taught to embody by the Christian community. This is not to say that it was all bad, but rather incomplete, especially when embraced as the whole. So, instead of making life long decisions for education and thus career, I knew that I needed to take some time to do something different, to figure things out. Having graduated not long after turning 17, a year off would do little harm.
I decided to attend a Discipleship Training School (DTS) with Youth With A Mission (YWAM). Specifically, I joined YWAM Cambridge – Academy of Performing Arts, in southern Ontario. While the centre offered up its fair share of cheesy skits, it was also home to many very gifted artists- dancers, choreographers, graphic artists, playwrights, etc. While I had a deep love for Creation, it was here that I began to see a practice of faith of beauty. In engaging this realm, my highly propositional, intellectual faith was introduced to the importance of the heart- the emotional center of the soul.
My role at the ministry was administrative with the plans of working with the DTS in years to come. I wouldn’t get the chance as, within a year, the ministry was being shut down. The experience of shutting down, not only a ministry centre, but an intentional community, was a devastating and life defining event. What should have convinced me to walk away to a more secure lifestyle instead drew me more fully into this journey. I knew then that YWAM would be my community for years to come.
When the ministry centre was closed, I joined another YWAM centre, where I spent several years. I won’t go into detail except to say that the first few years there were wonderful. The people I lived and worked with are wonderful people I love to this day. However, in the last year or so, I experienced a devastating “wounding” from the leadership there that rocked me to the core of my faith. It was the closest I came to rejecting my faith, taking years to heal. The wounds still “ache” in bad “weather”. For a powerful series on this kind of experience, visit Emerging Grace starting Here.
From there, I moved to YWAM Vancouver, BC where I joined this small team of urban missionaries in one of Canada’s most beautiful cities. I used to jokingly say that it would take fiery letters in the sky written by the hand of God to convince me to move to a city, but I am glad I followed His call. My years in Vancouver are among the happiest I have in memory, a place I will always consider home.
It was in Vancouver, and specifically in the Downtown Eastside, that I was confronted with the realities of poverity, racism and systematic injustice. For several years previously, I had begun to explore these realities, influenced deeply by Dorothy Day & Peter Maurin, co-founders of the Catholic Worker. Ideas and stories became harsh reality in Canada’s poorest neighbourhood. It was my years here that I realized the need for my faith to have hands, to put the ideas & knowledge together with the zeal & compassion, inspiring purposeful and passionate action. It demanded a praxis beyond handing out tracts and convincing people to believe what I believe (and disbelieve their own beliefs).
Since that time, I have tried to live my life according the lessons learned throughout my life. Specifically an intentionality of my mind, my emotions and my will- in short the Head, Heart and Hands. A friend told me this concept- what my staff have affectionately dubbed the 3 H’s- has been around in the church for centuries. For me it has been revolutionary. If I have right understanding and right emotion, but wrong or no praxis, my well intentioned and passionate actions or inaction could do more harm than good. If I have right emotion and right action, without the in-formation of right understanding, my service lacks purpose- lacks its missional core. And if I have right understanding and right action, but lack right emotion, I become a “sounding gong” and a “clanging symbol”.
Again, much more could be said here, including the significance of sharing a house with an amazing family with great kids; including the healing and passion from my inclusion on the centres leadership team; including the mentorship from amazing men, like Paul Martinson and Randy Parizeau. As I have said before, not everything can be said here, though I would love to share it all.
My next post in this series will talk about getting married, pioneering an inner city ministry and pursuing my identity.
